17 Trebuchet (likely to flip small ships; can be built into the hulls of the largest, particularly tesserakonteres because the weight can go between the hulls)
20 Giant net cast by a catapult or linked ballistae to foul up oars and deck operations
1 A sheep-serpent with many thin black wings running up its body and great orange, blue, white and red feathers beneath the wings
2 Swan’s head, periodically closes its eyes and tosses its head to one side
3 Three-headed hairy dragon
4 Monastic woman with the face of a stylized owl
5 Wooden king in gorgeous soft silk cape in pale green with a broad golden hem with shaded leaves and blossoms
6 Golden queen draped in a golden pectoral plate sporting a medusa's head; she gives an imperious salute
7 Dark arrowhead-shaped pyramid with tentacles emerging from the space beneath it
8 Queen with a crown bearing a goetic star. She has giant bat wings
9 Black moth with midnight-blue constellation patterns in its wings. It wears a porcelain mask
10 Figure of a devil presenting its own head in its hands
11 Red-winged alabaster angel wracked by hands emerging from his own body
12 Rat King with subordinate rats held aloft in the air around it, fanned out like some kind of lotus
13 Some kind of creature composed of thick stalks of wheat with a single brown eye and a grinning, large-tooth mouth visible in amidst the bushy strands
14 Winged, feathered white worm with a giant, featureless orange eye at its tip
15 Frog poised in a bandana, clearly ready to leap onto the enemy ship
16 Rokurokubi whose head continually weaves around at the end of her wooden neck, seeking the best view of the situation. She does not speak but may attempt to point things out by jabbing her head at them
17 Leering, spiny, randy-looking tatzelwurm
18 Bull-headed spider with a grinning cat’s mouth
19 Wolfsheaded hydra
20 Phoenix with rose petals for neck feathers
21 Roaring wolf rearing, trying to shake off the blood-red chains that bind it to the deck
22 Hero with a sickle holding up the head of a kitsune
23 Pallid corpse riding a giant mosquito
24 Giant sword stuck in the deck impaling a satyr, a succubus and an ophanim in sequence
25 Giant rearing millipede with a staring eye on every segment
26 Grinning skull with a single giant red eye above the nose slits
27 Minotaur, bound and kneeling
28 Slathering, rangy werecat with gleaming pits for eyes
29 A maiden of solar fire sitting across the bow
30 Gray stone statue of a harpy with 12’ of rich orange hair
31 Minotaur ripping a virgin in half overhead
32 Solar roc with constellations in its wings, a sun disc on its head
33 Stag with rack of horns the breadth of a leafless tree
34 Dark satyr leading many nude men in chains
35 Man and woman entwined yet facing forward; their bodies are differing hues of marble
36 Warrior on horseback plunging a lance of light down into whatever the ship will ram
37 Angel with bare breasts, boar’s head, crow’s legs and a burning sword
38 Ornate-trousered, bat-winged cat standing upright sticking its tongue out irreverently
40 Rabbit in a kimono smoking a pipe
41 Horned, hairy lamprey with giant cackling mouth, set low in the water, just above or below the ram
42 Fanged frog with spiral eyes
43 Humanoid with goat heads facing left and right, golden lungs and guts visible within its red outline
44 Elegant maiden with nude and darkly-grinning yeti-like satyrs going arm-in-arm with her
45 Giant wolf with baby wolf sideways in its jaws
46 Love Goddess, hot pink, breasts glow bright red when nearing finish line
47 Woman transforming into a spider, holding her face in horror but staring at whatever the ship is pointed at
48 God of speed (winged sandals, winged helm, winged sword, wings, winged greaves, winged bracers, winged gauntlets, winged belt, being hoisted by fairies)
49 Cut-off head of a monstrous bear-serpent, its eyes crossed, its tongue lolling down the side of the ship, stone insects depicted alighting upon it
50 A chimera for the seasons: spring (stag), summer (lion), autumn (owl), and winter (arctic fox)
51 Horse with the eyes and legs of human women
52 A naked man made tree of slats hung with the leering flesh of many faces coiled into grotesque masks by age and sun
53 Clawed many-colored elephant with eight horns like chitinous tentacles, six eyes and a nose like a vast millipede
54 A lion with a stag’s antlers, an arctic fox’s fur and an owl’s legs and wings. An ow-lion
55 Death holding a pair of great eyeballs; when the ship is closing in on a successful ram the eyes burst into green flames
56 Flower with sprig-arms, in a dress
57 Goddess with stag beetle horns sporting a blood red sun between them
58 standing Persian cat with three layers of lavender eyes
59 Fairy girl sitting in a giant blade of grass, smirking down at the ship about to be rammed
60 Mothman lifting the moon to the sun
61 Indistinct vampiric wraith hiding in the crescent moon
62 Cyclopean serpent with its body-half hidden in its long, ragged hair
63 A giant vase with a stalk emerging from it, at the end of which is a dryad’s cool face
64 Maenad with a serpent for a headband whirling a thyrsus and a savannah cat through the air, stirring the crew and their enemies to fervor and madness
65 Naked man covered in tattooed woad, an encyclopedia of poisonous plants and animals
66 A saint sitting in a sea-monster’s mouth, reading a scroll charged with judgement
67 A hero hoisting a mountain to crash down onto the ship to be impaled
68 Hunger on an emaciated eyeless horse, carrying a pair of shackles for those to be conquered and a standard in red and black
69 Black lion weeping streams of pure gold
70 A hoplite kneeling on a smiling, naked man’s back, about to plunge a spatha through the man’s neck
71 A scroll charged with the execution of those to be rammed
72 A winged snapping turtle
73 The legged house of a witch; doubles as an actual house for the captain, and during a desperate battle it will uproot itself and serve as a mobile firing platform
74 A crab with one really giant, mean pincer raised, the other very small, guarding its belly
75 Aquasaurus
76 A really sexy caryatid
77 An ogre in full plate
78 A dancing, reveling girl, intended to be splashed with blood in the press of battle
79 A huge, bladed, golden pineapple
80 A skeleton, the bones of which are totally covered in feathers
81 A werecrocodile in fortification armor; not a scale is visible
82 A marine in blue greaves and white linothorax, a red thyreos and a black spear
83 A sentry dressed in a smock of hay to keep the rain off; he kneels, his sword sheathed and leaned between his knees, watching the horizon
84 A frog-ogre wielding a log as a club; it has many sets of antlers tucked between flaps cut into its skin, and has been painted here and there with blue feathers
85 An armored war elephant with a howdah; in battle, troops can board the howdah and skirmish, serving as an extra tower
86 A nude dryad, half tree to include her head; titillating art
87 The praying gleaming brass statue of a cross-legged lich
88 Naiad with many cascading peacock tails for hair, partially hiding her body
89 Hareman being grasped by the ears by a mailed executioner with a scimitar. The hareman is kneeling in prayer and the executioner looks resigned
90 White-winged three-headed cheetah
91 Androgynous figure with its head split in half as if by an axe; one side is male, the other female, and have a familial resemblance as if this is two versions of the same person, male and female
92 Cat lolling on its back with its paws curled above it
93 Another, smaller model galley with characteristics that can be rolled from this generator
94 Mermaid in a tall fisherman's cage
95 Tree made of fairy inkcap; these glow orange at night
96 Luminescent chromodoris lochi
97 Leafy sea dragon
98 Phyllodes imperialis caterpillar
99 Mighty-horned nudibranch
100 Satanic leaf-tailed gecko
1 Serpent
2 Rattlesnake tail
3 Tiger tail
4 Scorpion tail
5 Longbow
6 Lyre
7 Crescent moon
8 Fist gripping raveled whip
9 Torch
10 Totem pole stacked with familiar spirits and deities
11 Column engraved with scenes from previous races, topped with (famous racer, captain’s father, captain, humiliating visage of most important defeated foe)
12 Rocky crag
Wake Features
What drifts in the ship's wake?
Amateur: N/A
Professional: 25% chance of 1
Famous: 50% chance of 1
1 Toadstools and sharp little seaflowers falling away from the ship
2 Fairies humming around, lit up at night
3 Little golden orbs drifting through the air, gradually sinking into the water, glowing
4 Drops of blood
5 Gradually fading stars in constellation on the water
6 Lightning arcing through the surface of the water
7 Red petals
8 Little floating paper lanterns
9 Little butterflies that linger on the surface for awhile and then take off
10 Mist
11 Acrid, churning charcoal smoke
12 Rolling cloudbanks
13 Venous stitchwork written in the waves like the surface of an iris
14 Peacock feathers
15 Dark algae and seaweed
16 A Golden mane of hair, like a celestial wise man’s beard
17 A great net; the ship is continually trawling
18 Little toadstools
19 Gold flakes
20 Pure mercury
 |
| His son was born shortly after Lepanto, but then died during childhood. It's as if he's handing the boy up to victory |
Captains
Captain
60 (d6 and d10)
1 Crabman
2 Jellyfish that has constructed a semi-rigid mechanical chassis for its body
3 Giant sapient shrimp
4 Giant water strider; never actually gets on the ship, just rushes around shouting at the crew
5 Weremussel (eyes visible in darkness inside his shell; musscular arms and legs)
6 Siren (enthralled crew, though she doesn’t always use her song)
7 Drop of god semen and blood that has become beautiful cambion
8 Illusionist (utter mindfuck for competitors; target for early elimination, which he’s counting on)
9 Merking; galley is flooded and emerges halfway from the water, merman rowers blade coral oars between strokes underwater, hippocampi mush team helps offset drag; mermaid princess desperately tired of all this, wishes to escape this dreadful ship, if only for awhile
10 16' long sapient shipworm; only protrudes from the hull to give counsel
11 Living prow
12 Pyromancer who's loaded his ship up with fire pots
13 Lizard King
14 Giant, noodle-loving worm. Straightforwardly inclined to provide fellatio
15 Ancient sage who loves to read, only closing whatever book he's reading when ship operations require his special attention
16 Maenad
17 Living tree carved into a statue
18 Werewhal whose deep scars continually weep whale oil, massive bounty on his head
19 Kobold, former swabbie
20 Dryad
21 Naiad
22 Satyr
23 Efreeti
24 Golem
25 Treeman (joined with ship)
26 Harpy
27 Angel
28 Demilich that floats around shouting at people; cackles wildly when taking the lead
29 Oni
30 Really mad erinyes
31 Knight that loves to charge people with his galley, intuiting a category affinity between lancing and naval ramming
32 Woman surrounded by large, dangerous animals who she has tamed with a mere caress
33 Sphinx. Never shows emotion
34 Barbarian chief who uses the intensity of races to channel for his spirit-walking rituals
35 Demonologist who must win a race or be claimed by a demon who is no longer pleased by the demonologist's virgin sacrifices
36 An octopus in a barrel. It has two holes on the bottom and a hole on either side, plus a viewing slit for the octopus’s eyes
37 Wraith with many pale hands amidst the folds of its garments, antlers growing from its shoulders, a giant purple iris for a face and a goetic halo whirling about its crown
38 Butterflyman Prince
39 Earwigman Villain
40 Barnacleman; usually resides beneath the ship, keelhauls traitors across him
41 Giant cackling moth with a skeletal head
42 Sea witch; diminutive, wears a shag duster and tall conical hat which shades face; two perfectly round, lantern like eyes are visible beneath it; floats slightly off the surface at all times
43 Purple shroud with the outline of orange eyes streaked diagonally across its surface
44 She never leaves her bluish plate armor and golden helm made in a raven’s visage. She has fearsomely sharp claws in her gauntlets
45 Mind Flayer with mostly brain-bound crew. Habit of stress eating
46 Captains: Pair of armed serpents who regularly compete to devour as many warmbloods as possible in one day
47 Jet torc around a viper’s eye wreathed in blood orange fire; purple wings with feathers of molten fire radiate around the torc, and at the apex is a flanged black spike that gleams with yellow light
48 Berbalang
49 Giant hermit crab for which the ship is a shell; generally has his legs retracted so as to not generate too much drag, can walk the ship over land
50 Really old, creaky kappa who speaks painfully slowly but makes very wise decisions. Kind and tolerant unless you fart in his direction, in which case he will do everything possible to have you killed
51 Trickster spider, has a wooden mask
52 Remnant lord of precursor empire, trying to raise enough funds to recreate what was; white, ridged, ovular body with glassy spines around giant bulbous sacs of electric blue fluid
53 Ooze that has gained sapience; almost impossible to kill, even if you sink its ship and leave it behind. It can lose everyone and just gradually burble back to shore. It keeps a perfectly preserved, smiling human head floating inside of it as an attempt to put people at ease, though it speaks by electrifying its surface and creating a crackling vocoder-noise. Right now it's a harmless-looking guy, the ooze will eventually wise up and replace it with the head of a hot girl
54 Big game hunter who has graduated from living things and now primarily hunts galleys
55 Professional galley racer who has sponsorships from a bunch of different forests, lumber concerns and elvish holdouts, prominently featuring their wood, showering spectators with wood samples when they're close enough
56 Doppelganger imitating famous captain it's devoured
57 Neural worm currently inhabiting a trusted abbot; he's lately developed an unseemly preoccupation with racing, and has spent the abbey's funds to that effect
58 Leprechaun
59 Dark dwarf who's turned the ship into a biomechanical smog-belching nightmare
60 Giant dragonfly with the head of a horned sea-hag
Captain's Status
25% chance of an additional status: But what is the captain?
d20
(00: Sea Oligarchy, aka party of PCs)
1 Heir to monarchy
2 Kleptocrat who bought this to launder the money; will be in serious danger if he or she ever goes ashore, this ship doubles as a castle
3 Drug lord just looking for something to spend the money on
4 Master smuggler, this ship is their baby
5 Master courier
6 Fell slaver; once threw several hundred chained slaves overboard to lighten his ship enough to escape a pursuing navy
7 Naval commodore with dozens of ships killed, none captured
8 Politician of thalassocratic republic seeking to win fame for election or re-election
9 New naval captain being tested for command
10 Moralist philosopher seeking to demonstrate virtues in action
11 Impoverished genius given command of ship by consignor
12 Genius shipwright whose ship is amazing but whose rowers detest him
13 Undefeated admiral seeking to test himself in new endeavor
14 Famed slaver; leaves ghost ships drifting in his wake
15 Privateer who exclusively targets warships, never selling prizes, instead stripping them down for the choicest parts, which he adds to his race galley
16 Decadent emperor quietly hurried after by dismayed minders
17 Banker on vanity enterprise
18 Agent of the ichthyarchy
19 Robber baron
20 Commander of the polity's sea patrol
Captain's Supporting Characters
Amateur: 50% chance of 1
Professional: d4
Famous: d6
40 (d4 and d10)
1 Captain’s spouses (comfort captain endlessly)
2 Captain’s daughters (cheer/echo squad)
3 Captain's sutler
4 Soothsayer
5 Oracle
6 Seer
7 Chaplain to the Rowers
8 Marine padre
9 Loyal, straight-man first mate who will go energetically unhinged when freed to do his duty
10 Captain’s Confessor: continually goads captain on
11 Mercenary artillerist from distant empire; gaudy and impractical garb (looks like some kind of lacquered red candle flute) constant recitations and gestures may be religious devotion, propitiation of the gunpowder spirits or OCD; extremely touchy. Has a literal powder monkey in identical garb
12 Ship’s Purser, continually dismayed (except when apparently about to win; then becomes rabidly encouraging)
13 Political Officer: fanatically concerned about winning glory for whatever community the ship represents
14 Journalist allowed on board as publicity measure
15 Goat-horned, wrapping-swaddled thing hidden in the corner of the hold; cannot be clearly seen, doesn’t come out of the corner, retracts if grasped for. Can be induced to give advice
16 Shipwright
17 Woodworker
18 Captain's concubines
19 Giant serpent that the captain uses like a couch
20 The controversial use of feral humans as ship’s cats (rat catchers). They are beloved but prone to health issues and often put down.
21 Stowaway-turned-ship’s-mascot
22 Giant spider who can turn into a beautiful human woman and seduce
23 Panting, frothing she-wolf that rushes about, giving suck to the rowers
24 Moss-covered, undead, red-eyed falcon men before webbing them, liquefying and sucking out their guts. Serves the captain as an advisor, alchemist, and emissary
25 Mob minder here to make sure captain actually throws the race, as agreed
26 Champion javelin thrower; can pick people off on distant ships
27 Dark-spirited catoblepas advisor
28 Living boulder who wards off hostile spirits in exchange for small sacrifices; can also roll around in defense of the ship
29 Myrmecoleon steed
30 Pampered succubus
31 Mermaid exile; she has legs, but also a fish’s tail
32 Al-mi'raj which the captain continually strokes but also handles kind of roughly
33 Flumph advisor trying and failing to get the captain to do right
34 Sage that’s half cat; the left half of her body is skeletal, and flower petals continually weep out from between the bones
35 Embalmer who makes statuary displays out of those killed on the mission, arranging them dramatically on the ship for the duration of the event
36 Bodyguard with gigantism; nice guy, unless the captain orders him not to be
37 Ichthyarchical emissary; same species as the captain, can help smooth over conflicts with certain sea peoples, continually acts to influence the captain in favor of the Ichthyarchy.
38 The captain's loyal ass, brought along despite the awkwardness of a donkey walking on a ship's deck
39 A great red and white bird whose black tailfeathers produce delicious red berries; the bird feeds on these and feeds them to the crew, but doesn't necessarily want to be picked all the fucking time
40 Living scroll that can pop out and suddenly unravel, with what it wants to say written on it. New text will burn across its surface, the ash gradually blowing away in the wind, leaving blank vellum
Captain's Support Ships
Amateur/Professional: N/A
Famous: 10% chance of one being present
d4
1 Has a rescue ship on standby (the organizers won’t be providing one) to sail into the mix and get out as many survivors as possible
2 Halfling catering barge/steak and sausage fryer
3 Underworld titan's floating forge (water wheels and steam forges; makes quick upgrades to ship)
4 Light, fast warship to quickly go and take advantage of opportunities perceived outside the bounds of the racecourse
Sample Distinctive Garb for Captains
Amateur: N/A
Professional: 50% chance of 1
Famous: 1
d12
1 Necklace of assorted golden leaves
2 Golden koi flit through the air around him; a jeweled catlike white dragon slinks across his shoulders
3 Giant cavalier hat with an ostrich feather
4 Cloak that fastens to your cuff links so that black feathers run down your arms; may permit gliding from the crow’s nest
5 Black silk robe hemmed in gold; at the shoulders, golden wings rise to flank the head. Most effective when worn otherwise naked or with monotone underclothes
6 Black dress, the fabric of the sleeves and hem hang 8’ from the body in places, green and orange and gold
7 Golden stone braided beard
8 Humongous fur coat for cold nights at sea
9 Bright red cloak with golden eyes
10 An living eelskin that is warmed by passing water (worn around the body by a swimmer)
11 Carapace armor of hard lichen
12 Beautiful wings like midnight blue and black tortoiseshell with drifts of gold
Marines
Amateur: 1
Professional: Base 1, 25% chance of d4
Famous: Base 1, 50% chance of d4
60 (d6 and d10)
1 The captain’s many sons
2 Exiled terrorist death squad
3 Amazon archer squad
4 Gangers hired from a foodless, stone, half-flooded precursor arcology
5 Gladiators (commissioned from school or freed on condition of service, generally with inducements against mutiny)
5 Sacred Band
6 Maritime republic shipguards
7 Deserters
8 Armed Robbers
9 "Thorns" (evil men)
10 Naked longsword headhunters
11 Rhomphaiamen
12 Rentier elites fighting in Dendra panoply to maintain war skill
13 Fire worshippers
14 Takabara
15 Sparabara archer squads
16 Berserkers possessed by wild spirits and the souls of fractious heroes
17 Profoundly lazy island slingers. Lead ammunition
18 Assassins who get off and practice when the ship docks or comes near land
19 Adventurous Nobles
20 Corsair Billmen
21 Unit of secret police that has fallen into disfavor and is serving a tour on the ship as punishment. Extremely uneasy
22 Jacked clubmen
23 Steel bow dacoits
24 Free company
25 Human-faced serpent-parasites
26 Whalers; excellent with harpoons
27 Zealot militia; only have knives but absolutely determined, which counts for a lot at close range
28 A bunch of mutually-suspicious adventuring parties
29 Epilektoi epibatoi hoplites
30 Dirk-and-targe pole vault boarders
31 Falx peltasts
32 Criminals who ape the brutality of a predecessor empire despite having no appreciable ideology
33 Androphage archers
34 Argyraspides; can almost blind people during assaults on sunny days
35 Dismounted cataphracts; 100% armored, but don't let combat last too long in the hot sun
36 Traveling Knights
37 Harem Guards
38 Wagoneer Zagaiemen: Fight with 12' javelins that they use to repel enemies trying to get into their wagons on the deck of their ship; throw some of them for offensive purposes. Wagons can serve as lifeboats but aren't much for amphibious assaults
39 Light Longbowmen
40 Bolomen
41 Écorcheurs
42 Hill skirmishers; phenomenal when hurling javelins from a higher deck, but so used to falling back in the face of charges and so unused to the sea they may go straight off the deck
43 Fanatically loyal warrior retainers, will die when masters fall (suicidal charge or suicide)
44 Plants transfigured into creatures of muscle and bone
45 Painted pavisiers
46 Firepipe strelsy (blast flame, roll off tubes, charge with bardiche, unless the enemy ship is already on fire)
47 Lizardmen who have sworn themselves to the captain due to being treated with politeness
48 Sappers; will attempt to axe and/or blast themselves through the enemy's hull to get at the soft juicy rowers while wrong-footing the determined marines awaiting them on deck
49 Phalangites; giant spears, tiny shields. Almost impossible to board, extremely easy to skirmish
50 Lamellar fortification crossbowmen; dress in a hoistable, semi-rigid cloak of lamellar and oxhorn while wielding repeating crossbow. Can trade fire devilishly, must resort to two-handed spears up close
51 Naffatun; can sling the stuff or throw it up close; the captain is cagey because these guys have sworn to burn the ship rather than allow it to fall into enemy hands, all of their own volition
52 Men from the mangroves; magnificent at hiding in the rigging, the underside of the deck castles and in the oar ports, suddenly hurling javelins or handfuls of banana spiders at the enemy
53 Noble bastards fighting by broadsword and chainmail for the captain, with his or her promise to eventually forcibly enfeoff every last one of them in their homelands; the captain has actually done it a few times, swelling the ranks of his grizzled, colorful complement
54 Wereskin skirmishers; each wears a headdress of a beast, and in battle will gradually halfway transform into such a thing; therefore a band of them becomes a half-treefrog hurling javelins from midway up the mainmast, a half-board suddenly rushing you with two javelins and two tusks pointed, a half-jumping spider sprinkling caltrops from the air, and a half-dormouse off to squeak a report to the captain.
55 Fire lancers; their pole-tubes mount bayonets
56 Urumimen; can strike their bending swords over the side of the enemy deck
57 Sicklemen; might seem kind of corny until they're climbing up the side of your mighty polyreme
58 Canoe raiders, who can fight with their canoe as a kind of tower shield or ride it out for night raids and missions
59 Butterflymen; winged troops are a holy grail, but these guys are so prone to plunder and of lapping up the moisture that collects on the flesh of corpses that when you send these guys into battle you might not regain control of them again for a few days
60 Vanuastrans; can use the saltwater to form into any weapon, making them extremely versatile (and wounds they inflict hurt even more than usual). Less useful if they're suddenly deprived of water
Classification of Rowers
Amateur: d4
Professional: d6
Famous: d8
1 Slave Rowers
2 Prisoner Rowers
3 Pressed Rowers
4 Citizen Rowers
5 Marine Rowers
6 Professional Rowers
7 Competition Racing Crew
8 International Champion Team
Watercourses
Races
Amateur/Semipro: d4 stages with 1 element each
Open: d6 stages with d4 elements each
Invitational: d8 stages with 2d4 elements each
You must finish to collect the prize. Simply being the last one standing is not enough.
Stages are consecutive. Each stage is characterized by one or more elements.
Elements
40 (d4 + d10)
2 Pirate archipelago
3 Hostile riverlands (tribes etc; canoes and other boarders)
4 Stormy seas
5 Razor coral above and below the water
6 Constant lightning
7 Sea monster(s)
8 Dangerous geographical features (collapsing cliffs, tide that suddenly exposes dangerous crags, shifting, unpredictable ice floes)
9 Sea of profoundly powdery ("moon dust") sand, from which who-knows-what will emerge. Vast, shifting dunes like waves on a stirring sea, moving to be lifted on these and then subsequently ride their ridges down is a skill best rapidly acquired during such a stage. The sand becomes airborne in a flux stone region (need different name)
10 Presence of superweapon
11 Seacaves and tunnels
12 Flooded ruins/ruins at sea
13 Hermit state
14 Hostile series of locks (ie operated by people who don't want to let you pass; you'll have to dismount people and force the mechanisms)
15 Profound darkness
16 Naval graveyard
17 Body of giant creature (inside, outside, around, all of the above)
18 Drained undersea region
19 Labyrinth (natural or constructed)
20 Giant RGO
21 Robber states
22 Skylens; effect of sun is doubled
23 Hostile seas; sea creatures (whales, deadly giant jellyfish, climbing coconut crabs) will constantly assail the ship
24 Networked vortices
25 Volcano
26 Flux Stone Islands (floating islands that cause ship to float amongst them; use oars to push off of them, otherwise propulsion is all sails)
27 Nautical ossuary
28 Ancient aqueducts
29 Stelaes of listless melancholy; extra-hard to inspire rowers and crew, everyone generally gets super downcast and stops giving a shit about the race
30 Aerial hazards (from harpies to lightning up to rocs and dragons)
31 Urban canals
32 Swamps (must push way through using oars)
33 Demigod (result of program, nascent, disturbed)
34 Other plane
35 Occult site suffering
astral corruption; entities may slip through from the void to devour individuals or whole ships
36 Giant salmon run, but with maneating swordfish
37 Enormous, rocky white water rapids
38 Extreme mist, to the point of fatiguing rowers
39 Lying stars
40 Giant ancient aqueducts
Cargo prizes may be scattered across the stages for ambitious captains to seize upon, stored in dilapidated cargo ships or on tow barges)
d10 x 1000gp in:
d12
1 Betel
2 Paan
3 Perfume petals
4 Anaesthetic sponges
5 Areca
6 Ghee derived from adipocere
7 Graveyard cakes
8 Hyperoleaginous whale cancer
9 Sandalwood tincture
10 Seashells naturally alloyed with gold via filtration
11 Hyraceum
12 Succulent sea slugs (you can just suck on these puppies all day)
Race Host
d20
1 Storm giant
2 Solar angel
3 Deity
4 Demoness
5 Emperor taking bread & circuses measures; nevertheless his empire descends into chaos whenever there are games, as people become hyper-partisans for particular captains and massive industrial fortunes are wagered on the outcomes
6 Giant malevolent beholder who follows along, watching the race from above, guffawing malignly with his tongue hanging between his teeth
7 Great lunar bird with wings like lace; the whole race will be under cover as night with the moon glowing bright, where the bird and its guests will watch
8 Kraken, watching from below, perhaps stirring the sea where it pleases
9 Fairy Queen; whole race will get dreamier as it goes on
10 Creature with a head made up of a dozen overlapping disc-shaped eyes above alabaster tentacles, with a white spine that terminates in a radially-symmetric claw of bone. Its similarly bony hands and arms (actually sinew) outstretch to welcome you
11 A mountainous creature of stone that rises from the sucking sea with a lake balanced in its head. At the conclusion, the winners will be carried to the celebratory archipelago with their galley riding in the lake atop the creature
12 Forest of unknown plants inside of an asteroid, the ore on the surface of which continually sparks and hums. The creature itself is a network of radial stalks terminating in the soil walls of the asteroid, joined at the center in a rhombus of bark with a hair of pink ferns. It has painted blue bands across this bark in honor of the sea
13 Magistrate seeking to encourage investment in his sea region; a lot of his constituents are pissed about the chaos that the race will bring, but it's not a democracy
14 Divine crinoid
15 Tutelary deity
16 Dragon
17 Magical love princess
18 Gladiatorial ludus
19 Ethnic armed organization
20 Inscrutable myconid
Example Race: The Mount Ñosájá Classic
Open Race
6 stages
Host (15): Tutelary Deity
Stage 1: Mount Ñosájá
2 elements
(37) Enormous, rocky white water rapids
(33) Demigod
Summary: The race begins at the peak of Mount Ñosájá. Descend the rivers flowing from the snowmelt of a giant mountain; Iÿthúva, who is the rivers of the mountain and the host of the Classic, will be watching with keen interest, and may help or hinder those who demonstrate courage, cunning, or cowardice in this stage.
Stage 2: The Locks of Thùt
3 elements
(7) Sea monster(s)
(14) Hostile series of locks (ie operated by people who don't want to let you pass; you'll have to dismount people and force the mechanisms)
(29) Stelaes of listless melancholy; extra-hard to inspire rowers and crew, everyone generally gets super downcast and stops giving a shit about the race
Summary: The Blood Nagas of Ñikak operate the Locks of Thùt, controlling access to the Ñosáján underworld of Zkík. They are not expecting you. Traverse their locks but be warned: the mountain's underworld radiates melancholy, and your crews may grow listless as you approach and then move away from the Throats of Zkík, the entrances to the underworld which the locks feed into. Do not enter the underworld; your path is through the locks and into the sea.
Stage 3: The Arcology Archipelago of Shådåk
3 elements
(12) Flooded ruins/ruins at sea
(33) Demigod
(2) Pirate archipelago
Summary: Beyond the Locks of Thùt is the Ôsteo Sea, which contains an archipelago of stone ruins. This archipelago is notorious for the Pirates of Shådåk, fanatic plunderers who must surrender half of their treasure to the great and terrible bringer of magma, Dûnshet. This beast of the underfire opens pools of magma and then lava under permanent settlements which do not pay it tribute, so the pirates have never been extirpated from this sea.
The archipelago was once a stone arcology destroyed by Dûnshet for lack of tribute; the foundations of this once-great polity lay in confusion in the waters here, far above or just below.
Traverse the arcology archipelago and avoid your ship being turned into a tribute to Dûnshet. Find the Mouth of Zelåsh.
Stage 4: The Mouth of Zelåsh
1 element
(11) Seacaves and tunnels
Summary: The Mouth of Zelåsh, which is the sacred fane of Dûnshet, is a great heap of collapsed archipelago wherein the pirates deposit their treasures in endless waterlogged heaps of gold and ivory. There in the center is a great well of lava where Dûnshet moans in ecstasy as the treasure is placed in swirling rings around him.
Traverse the labyrinths of fallen stone, through Dûnshet's sacred chamber, and come out of the other side. This is the pirates' most sacred place and they will pursue you here with terror and fervor.
Stage 5: The Fangs of Dràlzàt
2 elements
(39) Lying stars
(10) Presence of superweapon
Summary: The way in and out of the fane of Dûnshet is guarded by horn-like silver pillars that rise from the ocean as if the teeth of a giant crocodile. The night sky is black here, for these silver pillars are charged with starlight, forever preventing the influence of fell Dûnshet from spreading beyond the Ôsteo Sea in this direction.
Beams of solar fusion dance from these silver teeth at random, filling the air with steam, cutting ships to flaming pieces. You must evade these beams and pass between the Fangs of Dràlzàt, the silver pillars that guard the way. You will be pursued by pirates here, no doubt; they will fear the wrath of their master more than the killing beams of a thousands suns.
Stage 6: The Shattered Sky
3 elements
(40) Giant ancient aqueducts
(38) Extreme mist, to the point of fatiguing rowers
(26) Flux stone islands (the ones for this course don't shift gravity for the ships)
Summary: The stone arcology that once stood over the Ôsteo Sea was given water by a network of aqueducts arising from the surrounding sea. In this portion of the ocean, chunks of the arcology still float in the sky, carrying their aqueducts from the surface of the ocean, up through pumping and purification chambers in and on the dead stone stone cityscape. Ride these aqueducts up to the finish in Thermal Hall, but beware: many of these aqueducts have crumbled or lead to sections of arcology that have long since fallen into the ocean, and should you slide with the tide down one of them, you will find yourself falling many hundreds of meters to your destruction on the deep.
Mist blows past these aqueducts from the Fangs of Dràlzàt far beneath, obscuring the safe path.
You will finish in a great thermal pool that served as the personal pleasure lake of a potentate, inside a great chamber of glossy stone tile. The first ship to touch this pool will be the victor.
Grand Prize: 60,000gp
So far, three ships have registered for the Classic:
Kachhapa
Dekares
The captain is a professional racer
Geobukseon refit (it's a turtle ship)
The exterior has subtle brass organ pipes beneath portals of wrought iron; the groaning of the rowers hauling at ram speed emits a terrible bellowing
It has an assortment of patiently watching, growling dogs, bears, wolves, rabbits and foxes
The ship has enchanted coral anchors that bring it undersea when aweigh, sealing the ship in an air bubble with the oars just outside it; this will gradually deplete and is no way to win races, as the ship is slower with the anchors in the water
The ship's ram has the shape of a snapping turtle's head (swapped with the ram of the Shadowfur before the race; the Kachhapa's original ram had the horns of a nudibranch)
Sports a boarding corvus
The prow carries a statue of a man and woman entwined yet facing forward; their bodies are differing hues of marble
The captain is a demilich that floats around shouting at people; cackles wildly when taking the lead
It is emotionally supported by its spouses, who comfort it endlessly. It has retained a chaplain to minister to the rowers; the chaplain is uneasy working for a demilich, but thinks of the rowers
The captain employs "Thorns", evil men, to do violence in its name
Its rowers have been pressed into service
Trihemiola Towers
Trihemiola
The captain is an amateur racer
Forecastle, aftcastle, midcastle. This ship is much taller than it is wide
The outside is covered in lead sheets (primarily against woodworms)
It has entry towers skinned with pink velvet, floral blue curtains, orange light within, jade and gold canopies
The ship's ram looks like a really fat, mean-looking hummingbird with its long beak poised to pierce the offending ship
Mounts a rotatable hwacha in the midcastle
The prow statue is a leering, spiny, randy-looking tatzelwurm
The captain is a sea witch; she is diminutive, wears a shag duster and tall conical hat which shades her face; two perfectly round, lantern like eyes are visible beneath it; she floats slightly off the surface at all times
When not racing, the captain is a master courier.
She has a sage that’s half cat; the left half of her body is skeletal, and flower petals continually weep out from between the bones. She's also allowed a journalist on board as publicity measure
The captain employs a bunch of mutually-suspicious adventuring parties on the ship; each is assigned one of the ship's many little castles or towers
Her rowers are professionals
Shadowfur
Liburna
The captain is a professional racer
Big serpent wrapped around the mainmast; smoke pours from the tips of its fangs
The exterior is black with rabbit fur pouring across raised surfaces
The deck is shaded by trees fastened in planters by gold manacles and chains
The front of the ship mount gongs whose suspended hammers are unstrung when preparing to make a ram attack, so that the gongs sound death as the galley crashes upon the waves
The ship's ram has the shape of the horns of a nudibranch
Sports a sulfur smoke emitter, a bombard and an elevated boarding ramp in its trees.
The prow statue is the god of speed (winged sandals, winged helm, winged sword, wings, winged greaves, winged bracers, winged gauntlets, winged belt, being hoisted by fairies)
The ship has a tigertail for a stern statue
The captain is a barbarian chief who uses the intensity of races to channel for his spirit-walking rituals
He retains a loyal, straight-man first mate who will go energetically unhinged when freed to do his duty. He has a political officer from his tribal confederation aboard, who is fanatically concerned about winning glory for the greater confederation, at the expense of the captain's tribe and gods if necessary. Set against the political officer is the captain's bodyguard, who has gigantism and is a nice guy except when the captain orders him not to be. The captain has enslaved a living scroll that can pop out and suddenly unravel, with what it wants to say written on it. New text will burn across its surface, the ash gradually blowing away in the wind, leaving blank vellum
The chieftain's men fight as firepipe strelsy (blast flame, roll off tubes, charge with bardiches, unless the enemy ship is already on fire)
He has pressed his rowers into service, but has not claimed them permanently as slaves
A hail of spears over an oncoming fleet, painted triremes lapping against blue waves, blue-armored men on chocolate wood, pinprick javelins flooding the blue sky. The crash and splinters, shearing oars, the sawdust wood-shop scent at sea.
The blaze of glory imprinted itself onto him like a half-seen sun to a man in a meadow. A lockpicker following a threadway to the highest place. Not to be burned on barriers, but to follow truth in the maze of light. A golden moment; a dollop of gold in time. The rosy flame of passion is evergreen.
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| As are Legos |
Lately I've been recording and editing stories (editing the writing, editing the recordings) for
Fierce Firelight; this is super time-consuming and I hope to find ways to streamline the process. I look forward to a time when I have the process down and can continually write new stories, edit them with
Dan's help, record them, sand down the audio, and post them with as quick a turnaround as possible. There is a lot that I want to explore.
